The editing process

Group 4 Presentation Description

One of the previous assignment in class was to pick a topic and prepare a presentation as a group. Our group, group 4, chose to present on "Writing a business letter or memo". So we made some research on the topic and decided to divide it in three(3) parts, since we were three(3) in the group, so that each one of us would have a specific part to talk about. We finally presented the topic last week and notice there are rooms for improvement. This assignment is in fact a critique of our presentation.

First of all, we want to notify that we had a hard time finding a topic that actually suited us, since we had three different topics on the "Leo Topic Assignment". But we finally came out with this topic that we found close enough to our individual topics, and pretty interesting because people are going to graduate and write letter for employment, internship or scholarship for both undergraduate and graduate student. So we divided the work in three parts that were:

• How to write a business letter, presented by Elena Galkina
• How to write a business memo, presented by Jonathan Ouedraogo (which is me)
• Difference between a letter and a memo, presented by Zhang, Yiming

That is how we divided the work. The actual in-class presentation did not go as well as it should, because there was a lot of reading instead of explanations.  We found out later that, first, we didn't actually prepare the presentation as a group. We individually worked on our specific part and later combined them together. We did not gather before the presentation to try to rehearse it before so that we get ready. Also there was a lot of reading because we did not read our part to get familiar with it before the presentation. Another reason was that we put too much information in the presentation instead of giving bullet points and expand on them orally. Also every body in the group was not familiar withe tool we used for our presentation.

To present our work we used a tool called "prezi", that you can find here, which is not a popular tool. It's an online presentation software that has quiet a variety of displays and backgrounds. Elena and I try to talk about it but we did not include Yiming in the discussion, so he was not informed that we were going to use it. And was left in charge of making the presentation on "prezi". So the lack of communication caused a lot of misunderstanding in the group. So we learned quiet out of our mistakes. So the next presentations to come we now know that we have to:

• Make outlines in our presentation which helps get an idea and follow step by step;
• Give the information short and clear;
• Think about your audience that they won't fall asleep;
• Be prepared for the presentation;
• Avoid plagiarism. (Don't forget to use quotation marks when you are using someone else's work and always cite it as reference)
• Also, we have to remember that our presentation should always has introduction, body and conclusion. http://elenaen191f12s28.blogspot.com/

There is what came out after reviewing the way our presentation went. I hope my partners and I would learn from this and improve for future purposes.

From words to sentences to story: Happy hippie girl

     One lovely day, a hippie girl whose name is Moon got invited to the neon party. Unfortunately, she didn’t have any neon clothes to wear. So she went to the mall to look for a new skirt but she was running late because the shops were about to close. 

        

        Moon was passing by a shop and a skirt caught her attention; the shop was still open. So she went into the shop and she saw another customer looking at the same skirt; it was exactly the neon skirt she wanted. Moon was so excited that she found the skirt but she didn't have enough time to try it on. Since she had the money in her pocket, a hole was burning in her pocket. She took the skirt and went to the cashier. She was waiting in a big line but unfortunately, the cashier closed the register just in front of her, as she was so excited and hoping to pay. Bummer! She decided to go against it. She started asking for a store manager but there was no manager there at that time. In fact she got all upset about it and she left the boutique.  She was trying not to think about the skirt any more but she couldn't help it; restlessness. She was so impatient for the next day to go back to the store and get the skirt.

        The next day when Moon woke up her mind was all about that skirt. She rushed to the store to buy the skirt. As soon as she got there she picked the neon skirt right away and went to try it on. The skirt fitted perfectly and finally, she went to buy it. That felt so good. Elation! She couldn't wait to get home to find the perfect match for her skirt. So, she brought it home and tried it on again with her other clothes. Bummer! She found out that it didn't fit any of her tops. What now? She got so sad because she really liked the skirt but she could find the right match. Therefore, Moon decided to go back to the mall to find the matching top for her skirt. When she got there she went to the same shop where she bought her skirt. After spending some time looking around, she found the right top. So, she went to the register to pay for it. Guess what? The same story happened with the cashier. But, at this time the cashier was nice to her and decided to let her pay for the top. 

          Happy hippie girl went to the neon party and had a blast there. As a result, she learned a lesson: "you should always organize your time and carefully think about what you are buying if you don't want to get upset later".

Group work: Jonathan Ouedraogo and Elena Galkina

Topic 4: A business letter and memo
Members: Helen Galkina, Jonathan Ouedraogo, Yiming Zhang

BUSINESS LETTER       

  A business letter is a letter which written in a formal language.

It's usually used:

• when writing from one business organization to another;
• or for correspondence between such organizations and their customers, clients and other external parties.

The overall style of letter will depend on the relationship between the parties concerned.

There are many reasons to write a business letter. It could be:

• to request direct information or action from another party,
• to order supplies from a supplier,
• to identify a mistake that was committed,
• to reply directly to a request,
• to apologize for a wrong, 
• simply to convey goodwill.

Instructions:

1. Start with basic company or formal letterhead. Make sure your address is included at the top, along with your contact details and company logo if applicable.
2. Write the date. Place the recipient's address two lines below the date, above the salutation. Include name, formal title, company name and the office address.
3. Type the salutation two lines below the recipient's address. Address the recipient using "Dear," followed by the individual's title and last name. Remember to add a colon rather than a comma after the last name. Use "To Whom it May Concern" or "Dear Sir/Madam" if you do not know the recipient's name or gender.                                                                                                       (Note!: Mrs /misses/ - married; Ms /miz/ - married or unmarried; Miss /mis/ - unmarried)
4. Begin your intro paragraph. Talk about why you are writing the business letter and what you would like to request from the recipient. State your position if presenting an argument. Reference events, meetings or individuals that are familiar or relevant to the reader.
5. Elaborate on the purpose or main topic of your letter in the body. Provide examples supporting your argument, request or proposal. Give details on product features and benefits, as well as customer testimonials if selling to a client or prospect.
6. Follow the body with your conclusion. Reiterate your initial request or position. Thank the reader for her time and consideration, and tell her how she can contact you for further questions or information.
7. End with a complimentary close two lines down from the last sentence of the body. Allot four spaces for your signature and printed name.

Even today, the business letter is still very useful because it produces a permanent record, is confidential, formal and delivers persuasive, well-considered messages

MEMO

A memo is a note, document or other communication that helps the memory by recording events or observations on a topic, such as may be used in a business office.

A business memo is widely used by organizations to communicate to its member's pertinent information in an effective and efficient manner. The information communicated reflects policy changes, new products being introduced or new developments in solving new or current business problems.

The typical structure for a briefing note includes:

• Fill out the header information.State clearly who the memo is to, from, the date, and what the memo is regarding. Begin with why the recipient is receiving the memo (the subject).
• The first paragraph should be a purpose statement that can be as simple as, "The purpose of this memo is to..."
• Include a brief summary of the problem or need you are writing about. The body of the memo should expand on these themes.    
•  State any actions you need the recipient to perform and when you need them performed by.

Close with any follow up items required from the recipients. Also, make sure the ending is courteous and respectful to the readers. Even if you are communicating difficult news remember to do so in a poised and dignified manner.

A business memo also may be a call for action for all team members to become involved in. Writing a business memo is a great tool for leadership teams. Make it short, one page if possible. Bulleted lists are an easy way for the reader to understand the key points of the memo immediately.

 The Difference between Business memos and Business letters 

Business memos are usually internal, that is between employees within a business, company or organization. Memos use short sentences, less formal language, and bullet points to convey important information. Memos always contain a header that tells who it is from, who it is to, the date, and the subject.

On the other hand, business letters are usually between two businesses or a business and its clients. Because of this, business letters tend to be longer and use more formal language    

About the format:
Heading 

• Business letter include an address block and an inside address. Omit your name from the address block, spell out street and state names, and end with the date. Skip two spaces and begin the inside address. Start with the recipient's name, title, and address. For memos, headings include the following: to, from, date, and subject, with a colon and one blank space after each. Senders should initial their names.

Greetings 

• In business letter, place the greetings two lines below the heading. Greet a person and add a colon. Unlike a letter, salutations are not used in memos, which begin by directly stating the purpose of the document instead.

Body Paragraphs   

• When writing a business letter, body paragraphs begin two spaces below the heading. Use single spacing within the paragraph and add two blank spaces between paragraphs. Memos often contain headings and lists, which may use numbers or bullets to summarize main points.

  Closing and Signature Block

• Close with the words sincerely yours. Leave four blank lines, and then include your name and honorifics. Memos do not contain a closing or signature.

work cited:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Business_letter. 9/11/2012
2. http://www.ehow.com/how_8662903_write-business-letter-sample-consultant.html. 9/11/2012

LEO Topic Assignment: I'm overwhelmed and don't know where to begin working on my paper.

When writing is hard for you, how can you get started? Write about what you care about, and write to someone who cares. If you care about something, you can probably talk about it, if you can talk at all. The strong silent types might need a little extra help. But the rest just need to prime the pump, to get the words flowing and the wisdom pouring. Even if they manage their time and follow writing guidelines, many writers will still experience a time when the words just won't come together, when they are simply "stuck" and can't think of anything to write. This is writer's block. If you are struggling with a chronic writer’s block (a problem which is almost epidemic), then learn to write differently. Fortunately, a few helpful techniques make it possible to overcome the challenge of writer's block. So when you sit down to write what happens? Does your mind turn blank? Are you sure you have nothing to say? Ask yourself what your purpose is for writing about the subject. Ask yourself how you are going to achieve this purpose. Start the ideas flowing.

·         Experiment -- Try to write in different places, at different times, and with different writing instruments.

·         Free-write - Choose one sentence in a paragraph and write a paragraph about it. Then choose one sentence from that paragraph and do it again.

·         Cluster - Choose key words and ideas; then write associated ideas and words in clusters around them. This process often forms new ideas.

·         Be flexible -- Be willing to throw out sections of text that are causing problems or just don't work.

·         Follow a routine -- Follow a routine to get into the writing mood. Try activities like wearing comfortable clothing, using a certain pen, or listening to a particular CD or type of music.

·         Move -- Physically move around, stretch, or walk.

·         Take a break -- Get a snack or drink, talk to someone, or just relax for five minutes before starting to write again.

·         Concentrate -- Focus on a different section or aspect of your paper. This sometimes leads to new insights in problem areas, while allowing you to get work done on another section.

·         Re-read -- Read a print draft of the paper and jot down ideas while reading.

·         Relax! -- The more you worry, the harder it gets to think clearly.

Focus your energy by rehearsing the task in your head. Consciously stop the non-productive comments running through your head by replacing them with productive ones. If you have some "rituals" for writing success (chewing gum, listening to jazz etc.), use them. You may not be impressed with what comes out. But the sooner you get your wisdom out of your head and into your fingers or onto paper, the sooner you can make it better. No chances of improvement until you start.

My critiques

• My worst story is entitled "work of art". First of all the title is not appealing to people who hate art. Next thing is that my worst story does not have a good grammatical structure and lack of common sense. For example (1)"I think learn countries can learn from a lot of crafts, for example, I have a wooden ruler, this ruler came form China..." Huh? It also lack of logic connection between events, like (2)"In an African old man's house I found a half-naked sculpture, the old man told me this sculpture recorded one of the oldest human civilization, at that time, human beings are the half. Fellow Indians took out his sculpture that is a man in the joy of drums...". The story does not go with the flow here, and it is painful to read.

• My best story-in-the-box started like this (3)"Once upon a time in a far away land..."; very appealing the reader and makes him want to follow the story. The author connected the items in a way that they are not only listed but they make the story (4)"The king sailed to East Africa where he met a Masai woman along the way whom gave him advice on how to be loyal to his people." They are active.

(1) http://yifuchen.blogspot.com/
(2) http://yifuchen.blogspot.com/
(3) http://en191fl12s28mohamedto.blogspot.com/
(4) http://en191fl12s28mohamedto.blogspot.com/

Story in the box: Raul the drummer from Chile

Raul was born in Mexico, in a Mexican farm with a mule as a pet. At the age of four (4) years old, his parents died in a car accident while they were going to Chile. They tried to avoid  a canoe that fell off a truck that was in front of them and ended up in the bush. He was the only survivor that the rescuers found wrapped in an old blanket, on which the etiquette said "Made in 1840". He was still sleeping. So he was put in an orphanage in Chile. Two months later he was adopted by a couple from New Mexico who had recently moved to Chile. There, he was not being treated as he should be. They were not nice to him. They even forget to feed him sometimes, and when they don't, they used to serve him food in a small bowl that was actually made in New Mexico.

So when he got older, eight (8) years old, he left the house and went wandering in the streets. As he was asking for money on the streets, a generous lady had compassion for him and decided to take care of him. She was a nice bald lady from Italy. She was married but her husband died of cancer. He was a professionel drummer from Singapore. All she got from him as a memory keeper was this coin collection wallet and many video records of him playing, that Raul enjoyed when he was bored. Eventually he got intrested in drums. So growing up he loved playing drums in the street or at crossroads. His drumsticks were a wooden ruler and a bamboo stick. He had a hat that he would lay down before him and people passing would throw money in if they happen to like his performances. So he learned how to play drums and became a tremendous drummer. He became popular as "Raul the drummer from Chile".

One day he heard about a drumming contest in China and decided to go. Going to China cost a lot of money, which he did not have. So looking in his leather wallet he took all the money that he had left and put it aside but it was still not enough. So he decided to work for the lady as her house maintenance agent to make some money. As he was cleaning one day, he got inside the main bedroom. There he found a precious jar of a value of $200,000. He stole it, sold it, took the money and left the house. He finally got his visa from the Chinese embassy with a big Chinese stamp on it. He flew then to China. It was a two day flight with one stop in Kenya. There he was surprised to see a Masai woman selling chestnuts at the airport. He heard about chestnuts but never had the chance to taste it. So he bought three(3) chestnuts to taste for his first time. He did not quite like it. Three hours later, he got on his flight to China and finally arrived. At the airport, two police officers were waiting for him. They have been told about his rubbery. So he got arrested and put back in flight for Chile where he was put in jail for 10 years.